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I lived in San Francisco for 30 years. The men I knew who were also Black in SF were my buddies and none of whom I was attracted to and if I wanted to date other brothers. I had to go searching for them. The Castro was not the place to meet other Black men, and my business was located there.

I DO agree with the internalized racism part. Many Black men seemed to feel they had not arrived if they did not have a White lover. Not for reasons of race, but for reasons of poor childhood upbringing. Given my druthers, I'd rather be with a brother. Geri Horner finds Mel B's sex claims "disappointing" and "very hurtful" As promised, Geri Horner previously known as Geri Halliwell, aka the infamous Ginger Spice has finally addressed former bandmate Mel B's comments about them once having a sexual relationship.

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And you are probably entertaining the thought of moving in together. Everything is great. The time feels right.

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Yes you can engage in conversations about race and race relations. It affects you just as much as it affects me, just not in the same way. You sitting there listening to me giving a speech about what you did wrong or what I found offensive by what someone has said or done will do nothing but make both of us resentful.

Open dialogue is what changes perspectives and fosters understanding. It makes us feel like we are some type of anomaly of an otherwise undesirable race of people we belong to and are a part of. So on some level you only see the person as a stereotype or a contradiction of a stereotype, and not the person. Stereotypes imply that we are susceptible, regardless of action and behavior.

You see color.

Unless you have some kind of differentiation that does not allow you to see color or are visually blind you see color. Whether that be an inappropriate comment from you or someone else. Because you do see color. We all notice differences in culture, race, and ethnicity. All of us need to learn that when it comes to race, sexuality, pretty much anything that is innately different to us, does not equal better or worse. Just different. Spoil you? To put all the effort necessary into building a strong stable relationship or one of the hottest, most passionate hookups ever?

Because you are only seeing the surface. And I am better than that. Even certain myths and stereotypes no matter how true they may be that on the surface shows a group in a positive light are based in discrimination and hate. Be open and ask. Be open to the fact that perspectives are going to be different. We are not silently blaming you for the actions of ancestors long gone, but we cannot ignore that their actions still affect us.

So talk.

As often as necessary. Not everything will be about race, Far from it. These situations only become a big issue is because as a community we actively choose to ignore it and not talk about it. And just like any relationship when communication is down, everything falls apart. But let me make this clear that this is no more work than if you were dating someone of the same race. This is to remind those that have always wondered but been unaware of how to approach it.

The gay connection. Urban Life , 8 — Levine, M. Gay ghetto. Levine Ed. The sociology of male homosexuality. McDermit, W. White men loving black men: An explication of the experience within on-going erotic relationships.

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Unpublished Doctoral Dissertation. Madhubuki, H. Lee, D. The clash of races. Third World Press, Peplau, L. What homosexuals want. Psychology Today , 15 28— Polsky, N. Hustlers, beats and others. Garden City: Anchor Books, Silverstein, C. Man to man: Gay couples in America.