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It won't be used for other purposes without obtaining your consent. Reviews Review Policy. View details. Flag as inappropriate. Visit website. See more. Lucid Dreams LLC. It's also time to try to get my dating life in order which means, as a gay man living in , opening apps like Grindr and Growlr to see who's looking for love. It also means dealing with the mental stress of constantly being asked for nudes. Here's how it usually goes: I open the app and scroll through the unread messages that hit my inbox from the week before. Eventually I'll come across a message that simply reads "pic? What does this guy want from me?
Convinced that it's always good to start a conversation with a potential suitor on a more "innocent" front, I send them a pic of my face instead of Online dating was supposed to be convenient. Who actually has the time to get out of their house and meet people in real life anymore? It's also worth nothing that it's also a far safer way to date if you're LGBTQ in a country like Indonesia, where the old standbys—gay bars, so on—are increasingly raided by the authorities.
But instead of connecting people, online dating apps have created a hook-up culture that has normalized sending naked photos of yourself to total strangers.
Nothing gives me more anxiety than a request for nudes. Sure, I might obsess over my bio am I being too wordy? But none of that even compares to the stress of nudes. Now, before you get all fired-up and start calling me a prude, I am not trying to shame anyone who participates in the act of sending dick-out selfies. In fact, our history with sending nudes and sexting can be traced all the way back to the 17th Century , when someone would actually paint this stuff and then deliver it by horse or something.
As long as there have been ways to send an image, there have been nudes even if those nudes took an artist and like a month to produce.
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Nudes are also really useful for people in long-distance relationships. It's hard to keep that spark of intimacy going across time zones and international borders, so a couple nudes go a long way. Posing naked for someone you love can be a really romantic gesture, in the best of circumstances. But, to me at least, there's no romance in sending nudes on a dating app.
Here's why: I am a single, queer, masculine-presenting guy who is attempting to date on an app that prizes a very specific kind of toxic masculinity.
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People on these apps want, in no specific order, washboard abs, bubble butts, and big dicks. Anyone who doesn't possess all, or some, of these features is left out.
Hell, even those of us who possess this "ideal" look, but don't feel entirely comfortable immediately exposing ourselves like that can end up blocked before the first date. So, against my better judgement, I participate.
When someone asks for nudes, I give in to the pressure and hit send. Then the conflicted feelings start to bubble to the surface.
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One study of gay men's dating habits found that a lot of us feel depressed minutes or hours after sending nudes to a potential hookup. They feel guilty for engaging in such a shallow and explicit interaction. But other studies found that the exchanging of nudes it an important way to establish trust —basically you are trusting this other person not to forward your dick pics to all their WhatsApp groups and they are trusting you not to do the same.