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I've got nothing in common with them. Given these perspectives it is not surprising that older lesbians and gay men often stepped into the role of caregiver if their partner needed support, rather than access services. At times this support was provided beyond their capacity and at cost to their relationship. Pam, whose partner became seriously ill, described her partner's reluctance to access home services because she was concerned about discrimination. As a consequence, she gave up work to become her partner's full-time caregiver.
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I think that taking on the carer's role led to the destruction of our relationship. I overdid it. Intimate relationships were also viewed as a buffer against the challenges of ageing. Some felt isolated and alone, surrounded by services and people who did not understand or value them. Experiences of relationships appear to be different for older lesbians and gay men compared to their heterosexual counterparts. Many participants in this study described growing up and coming out in a world where institutionalised homophobia was sanctioned and how this led to fractured social supports and a detrimental impact on relationships with families, friends and other forms of social connectedness.
Despite these challenges, many found ways to build social networks and to create safe, affirming spaces to enjoy their lives, particularly within their intimate relationships. However, many of the older lesbians and gay men in this study described having been rejected by family when they disclosed their sexual orientation. While some walked away from families to protect their health, others worked at rebuilding relationships with family over decades.
Some scaled back their expectations of family, not expecting full support, and treasured even small gestures of support. On the whole, the frequently negative responses from families appeared to have eroded self-esteem, confidence and trust. They also appeared to influence the ways in which future relationships were negotiated and valued, and how these relationships often became refuges from the hostile world of their youth.
For some older lesbians and gay men, being in intimate relationships was their only source of social support. However, being in an intimate relationship appeared to be a double-edged sword for some participants, with the presence of a partner making sexual orientation more public and increasing the likelihood of discrimination. To avoid discrimination, relationships were often hidden, exacerbating social isolation and placing burden on the relationship. Considerable grief was expressed about the lack of opportunities for recognition of intimate relationships, particularly around the death of a partner.
The fact that intimate relationships were seldom acknowledged or celebrated reinforced to some older lesbians and gay men that their sexual orientation was not valued. The many conflicting issues around intimate relationships are perhaps some reasons why friendships were given considerable importance. However, there was significant divergence in experiences and views relating to heterosexual friendships. Experiences with homophobic heterosexuals resulted in some older lesbians and gay men dismissing the capacity of heterosexuals to genuinely understand and value their sexual orientation.
For others, it was about the characteristics of friends, rather than their sexuality. A friend was someone who valued and affirmed their sexuality and the capacity to achieve this was not always considered to be dependent on whether a friend was lesbian, gay or straight. Friendships were negotiated and some were lost when it was apparent that these friends were not accepting of their sexuality.
On the whole, participants appeared to be very discerning about who entered and remained in their networks. The safe and affirming places created by intimate relationships and broader social networks were threatened with increasing age and disability.
Over time, partners and friends were lost and social networks diminished. Increasing levels of disability made it difficult to get out and meet other like-minded people. Many believed that their safe spaces and affirming networks would be undermined by service providers and other clients who were homophobic and with whom they had nothing in common.
Many considered that they would no longer be safe and would lose the possibility of expressing their sexual orientation. Unfortunately, while many services are now embracing strategies to become more inclusive, evidence also shows that older lesbians and gay men receive a lesser standard of care in some services Barrett, ; Barrett et al. They demonstrate how history and life experiences shape the way that relationships are valued and negotiated and how this potentially affects social networks, health and well-being. The study also highlights the need for further research.
This study was small, limited to three Australian states, only recruited one transgender person and failed to recruit any bisexual or intersex people. Data was not collected about levels of education, socioeconomic status or other factors that may influence participant's social connectedness, health and well-being. The results cannot be generalised, but rather emphasise that a more substantial body of evidence is required to influence legislation, policy and service delivery.
Such research could involve a survey of health and well-being, social connections, caregiving responsibilities, access to services and older people's perspectives on what changes need to occur. At the time of writing significant reforms occurred in Australia that recognised the social support needs of older lesbians, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex LGBTI people.
These reforms have been supported by the allocation of funding for community visiting schemes, or programmes to provide visitors for socially isolated older LGBTI people. Community visitors will be volunteers who value older LGBTI people and have the capacity to build social networks and reduce the fear of social isolation and vulnerability to discrimination. This important reform recognises the challenges to social networks addressed in this paper. The authors hope that further research will identify other strategies to build social networks for older LGBTI people. We would like to acknowledge the older lesbians and gay men who bravely shared their stories — many for the first time.
The Program includes research to document models for promoting sexual health and well-being; understanding sexual and gender diversity; and preventing sexual assault.
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Carolyn's current research includes: Her research interests include the health of diverse sexualities and gendered communities and legal drug interventions.