By all means, in Greek culture, this relationship was considered an education. But today, relationships between older gay men and younger gay men are seemingly plagued by peer judgment over presumptive motivations. Admittedly, I have been one to shy away from intimate encounters with men much older than me in the past. A lot of gay men around my age assume that older gay men, on the other hand, are mainly into younger gay men for the sex, perhaps so the youth can somehow rub off on them in bed like some heavy cologne.
Still, many ask: Today, online dating apps have intersected many gay men of differing ages and backgrounds. And though these apps may be seen as grassroots one-night stand delivery services, they also provide rich, rare inter-age experiences where younger and older gay men, already comfortable under the veil of physical intimacy, can communicate and dispense insight into the minefield that is the modern gay dating world.
But with the little experience I have, that still somehow appeals the most.
What Grindr Taught Me About Dating Older Men
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My profile stayed essentially unchanged over the year or so I was on and off Tinder, and everything I wrote on it was true. I was in "digital media," I was from Boston, I was relatively new to L. I had around five photos up, showing me in various environments and outfits and hairstyles. What I think I was trying to say was that I was approachable but not desperate, reasonably but not intimidatingly attractive, funny but not someone who did it for a living this felt important since there were so many stand-up comedians in L.
I was finally over obsessing about not being "that girl " — that is, the girl who is vocal about wanting to be in a relationship, who is actually confident enough in herself to be upfront about her own needs. So I was also very conscious of wanting to communicate that I wanted a relationship without explicitly coming out and saying it in the profile, which seemed like a bit much for an opening gambit. But while my profile stayed mostly the same, my experience on Tinder shifted each time I left and got back on, as though the breaks I took were also opportunities for the app itself to catch up with me.
When I started using it in the spring of , most of the guys on it were in their early twenties — way too young for me — and seemed to be only looking for a hookup. I messaged with a few of them out of boredom, but the novelty quickly wore off.
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When it came down to it, was I really going to go over to a year-old bartender's apartment at 10 p. No, the days when that would've been appealing — if ever — had long passed. But gradually the average age of my matches crept up, and I soon noticed a very real shift in the ways in which I engaged with people on the app — and that they were responding more sincerely to the message I was sending with my profile.
And soon, I realized that all of this Tindering was doing for me was making me feel more empowered. I got to make the decision about whether we went out again.
What Grindr Taught Me About Dating Older Men | HuffPost
I had been so conditioned to believe that I wasn't in the driver's seat when it came to dating thanks, New York that I had become way too passive; I was so obsessed with wondering whether someone liked me that I forgot about the part that was just as important: And going out with so many different people — in fact, simply encountering so many different people, even just on the app — had the effect of, also, helping me refine what it really was I was looking for. First it helped me figure out what I wasn't looking for. And that might not be what you're not looking for, and that's fine!
That's the beauty of Tinder, and the world; there are lots of different kinds of people for everyone. But for me, that became: It turns out we can intuit a lot of things about people just from a few pictures. I liked men who were funny and smart and did something creative with their lives.
I liked men who were kind.