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Gay Men: 7 Places to Find Your Next Boyfriend That Are Not in a Bar

People may think that dating people of the same gender is easier but boy, are they wrong! If anything, it's more difficult to deal with people who are similar than two people who are different.


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I think that a lot of people have the preconceived notion that when there are two men in a relationship that they'll cut through all the crap and it'll be a drama-free situation. And when it comes to lesbian relationships, I think people expect two women to communicate effectively. But when it comes down to it, people aren't gendered stereotypes.

People are people, and if you know anything about people you'll know that people are difficult. Plus, when you're in the straight dating realm, it's usually pretty easy to tell who your perceived dating pool is. You'll constantly be asking yourself if you just made a platonic friend or if they're interested in something else.

Gay Chat Made Simple

You'll always be wondering if that person was just nice or if they're flirting with you. Only gay god knows. Before the internet, gays would mostly hang out at bars and clubs that were safe spaces for them. However, now that being gay is more socially acceptable and the internet is a thing it's becoming easier to communicated and find like-minded people! You don't have to leave the comfort of your couch to find community or someone to flirt with; you can do it all through your phone or laptop.

But what apps should you use? What should you say? Who should send the first message? Does this person want to date? Or just hook up? Should you meet up with them? Or keep your relationship purely digital? Should you send nudes? There are so many decisions to be made, how can one make the right one every time?

Well, I've learned from some serious trial-by-fire, how to navigate the dating sphere. Sure, I still screw up most of the time, but I think I have a pretty good handle on what you should do and say when chatting with other gays! That being said, I've compiled this little ultimate guide for those who are struggling to navigate or who just want a second opinion on their decisions!

Like I mentioned before, I'm not always right.


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  5. No one can be! But after serving as the resident advice-giver to my friends and to various people on the internet, I feel as if I'm not only qualified but obligated to share my expertise when it comes to dating online within the gay community. Here is my ultimate guide to all the gay chat apps out there: If you haven't noticed, there are a million dating apps and sites out there. All of which are vying for your business. So which companies are actually worth your time and money?

    I've done a little poking around both for business and for pleasure , and these are the conclusions I came to:. If you haven't heard of Grindr, you must not only be a baby gay, but you must have just hatched because there's no way you haven't heard of Grindr. This app is one of the leading apps out there for gay chatting and hooking up. I'd say that Grindr is the gay equivalent to Tinder in that everyone has tried it and probably still has it downloaded on their phone even if they insist they don't use it anymore. Though, if you've ever used Grindr, you'll know that - unlike Tinder - the app doesn't bother masquerading as a dating app.

    People who use Grindr know exactly what they're using Grindr to get: And there's no harm in that so long as you're safe about who you talk to, what information you send, and who you decide to meet up with! The same goes for all other dating and hookup apps. You'll also find a lot of people on Grindr who are looking for people who fit a specific physical demographic think fit, white, and masculine.

    There's a lot of discrimination in the gay community which is evident on Grindr. Scruff seems to be the inclusive response to Grindr. While Grindr will always be a staple in the online gay dating and chatting community, Scruff is looking to create a slightly more inclusive space. They also have Scruff sponsored events and an entire section on their site that helps assist with planning a literal gay-cation - one that avoids non-gay-friendly places, unlike the journey Ellen Page went on for her series of the same name for Vice.

    Scruff isn't just a gay chat app; it's a community! I recommend this app for all you baby-gays out there; this will help you get in touch with your local gay community as well as help you navigate gay events and travel in general!

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    Why complicate things? Gay Chat App is exactly what it says it is: While I like that Scruff built out from their original goal of simply connecting gays on a one-on-one level to facilitating community, I like that this app keeps things simple! And honestly, in the digital age simplicity is something we all strive for in any kind of technology - especially dating apps! Dating is complicated enough, the last things we need are useless features and screens to make it increasingly more difficult. For all of those of you who have slightly darker tastes when it comes to relationships and sex, this one's for you!

    Gay Men: 7 Places to Find Your Next Boyfriend That Are Not in a Bar | PairedLife

    Finding a boyfriend when you're gay can be a challenge since you can't readily just walk up to a guy and hit on him in public and know for sure that he will also be gay. Furthermore, even if you do hook up with a guy which is extremely easy to do compared to our straight counterparts, I must admit , it's a totally different ballgame when you're talking about a steady boyfriend who you can date for a decent period of time.

    The problem is that a lot of us in the LGBT community look for relationships in the wrong places! So if you're looking to get together with someone for more than just a sweaty night of debauchery maybe several sweaty nights? Gay bars and nightclubs can be great places to find a hookup if you're into the one-night-stand type of thing, but they're not the greatest places to find a steady boyfriend. The mindset of someone at a club is Yes, you might find someone there who is interested in something "real," but the ratio of those people to drunken revelers will be very low.

    You'll have to do a lot of filtering, and that's just inefficient if you can search in greener pastures, so to speak. Having said that, I've known people who met their significant others at the club with varying results. Gay clubs are one of the few places you can go where you know that a guy is unlikely to get testy if you hit on him even if he is straight. However, there are other, more high-quality places to look, especially if you're not the kind of person who is interested in partying until 3 AM.

    Don't force yourself to look for dates at the club just because you think that's your only option. Another common issue that I see in this community is the tendency to shame a person for their relative femininity or masculinity. I've seen femme gay guys trying to act more "butch" in order to attract guys who only want to date masculine men, and I've seen a lot of guys shaming more feminine gay men and implying that they are "acting" feminine as if it doesn't come naturally.

    On the flip side, I've also seen masculine guys being shamed lightly and assumed to be "faking it" as if gay guys are inherently feminine or something, and coming off as straight or masculine is automatically phony. Needless to say, this is all BS. There is nothing wrong with being masculine or feminine, whatever your orientation may be. Still, these shenanigans often tempt people into putting up a front in order to conform. Resist the urge to conform! You have something to offer the world as your unique self, and no one can ever see that if you hide it.

    7 Places to Find Your Next Boyfriend That Are Not a Bar

    This doesn't just come down to acting "masc" when you're not, for instance, it even comes down to the little things. If you have weird tastes and hobbies, be upfront about it. If you have unpopular opinions, put it out in the open. Believe it or not, there are plenty of gay-friendly churches or even just plain gay churches. Your local Unitarian Universalist church is a good bet, and they cover basically every and any religion. The point here is that you'll be searching through a pool of people who are a bit more in tune with their higher selves. You'll usually have access to guys with a stronger sense of purpose and responsibility than you'll find at a bar, for instance.

    However, straight or gay, dating apps trend towards the superficial. You might find a diamond in the rough, but most guys on there are going to be mostly interested in what you're packing and whether you have hard abs--and the rest of you will merely be a nice bonus. Whether your abs can cut glass or not, if you're looking for something long-term, you may want to skip the superficialities and look for a boyfriend in person only, perhaps through your in-person social network.

    Looking for a boyfriend who is caring, compassionate, responsible, and willing to do what he can for the community? Be that person yourself! Volunteer at your local LGBT center, or offer to help during a Pride event, and you'll meet all kinds of interesting people.

    Maybe one of them might even catch your eye. If you're gay and sick of playing games, then it might be time to start looking for a boyfriend in the right places. Contribute to your community or simply keep an eye out for local gay events that don't involve too much drunken revelry, and you'll be likely to find some decent prospects.

    Do you mean that you want to change your gender, and then be gay? For example, if you were assigned female at birth, you want to become male, and then date other men and be gay? Or do you mean that you want to swap the gender of who you're dating for example, going from dating boys to girls , so that you're gay instead of straight? If it's the first case, you wouldn't be alone.