Not only is this far too prescriptive, you also run the risk of coming across as overly negative. Say what you like to do, who you want to be with, and why people should date you. This is becoming a bigger issue in the gay dating world.
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All this liberation and equality is leading to increased bigotry among us. What does that even mean? If you like someone enough, open your mind to other possibilities. Not everyone on a hookup app is looking for sex and even if they are, who gives a toss? Spare us your sanctimony, your grace. This is fine — nothing wrong with a one-night-stand — as long as he realises that too. We place a lot of importance, misguidedly I feel, on not having sex on the first date. If you feel it between you, then go for it.
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The Guyliner has been writing about gay dating since and is also a columnist at Gay Times Magazine. When I first learnt about the mechanics of gay sex at the age of fourteen I was completely mortified. Mortification led to confusion and confusion led to fear. I had so many questions and concerns but nobody to talk to. Sexual education for gay teens at school is no better.
So how then are meant to learn how to have gay sex? My straight male friends learnt about sex from their older brothers and from each other. They would compare notes, share tips and boast about their experiences. It was completely unchartered waters. I compare it to playing tennis and then attempting to play golf.
So my knowledge of gay sex was formed through porn. But gay porn made it seem that your first sexual experience would be easy. Expertly and seamlessly, you move through a series of positions that border on Olympic gymnastics and in forty-five minutes you both climax, shower and the credits begin to role.
In real life you spend years stressing over finding the right guy for your first time. Which brings me to the best sex tip you will ever learn. What do you like? Do you like it when I do this? Which position is best for you? Does this hurt? Can we change positions? These are the types of questions and conversations you need to have to enhance your sexual enjoyment. Communicating with your partner, whether they are a one-night stand or a long-term lover will enhance the experience for both of you.
Without getting into the anatomy of it all, the truth is that if done properly, sex should not be painful. If approached slowly, at the right angle and with verbal guiding from both partners then sex should be amazing. This can only be achieved through talking. While there may not be a manual for gay sex, if you adopt an open-communication approach in the bedroom then you and your partner will be able to teach each other a thing or two and perfect the art of sex.
More often than not, someone is bound to get hurt or sent-off and ultimately one or both teams leaves the pitch feeling like a loser.
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In the end, when we date as if it were a game, nobody wins. Wait three days before you message him.
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Play it cool. Be mean, keep them keen. Sleep with him regardless. I followed all the rules and believed that with practice would come perfection but I never seemed to score a goal. Then came a series of terrible dates. After a season of disappointing results I was ready to call a time-out or retire early. I decided to take stock of the situation, to look back over all my dating experiences to see if there was a common problem that could explain my past failures.
To my surprise, after deep analysis, I realised that I was in fact the problem. There were three mistakes that I continuously made which could explain why dating was so daunting. These mistakes turned into three lessons that have changed my entire perspective on dating. While I have always considered myself to be an independent person, in retrospect, I went through a stage where I was eager to be in a relationship. Where is he? One should never approach dating or love from a place of such desperation.
That was my first mistake. My second mistake was framing dates as if they were job interviews. Will he like this outfit? What questions will he ask? What questions should I ask? I hope I give a good impression.
Brian Rzepczynski
Should I be myself? To continue reading click here. I have decided that dating like a gay boy has been quite unsuccessful thus far. Henceforth I have decided to date like a straight girl. Straight girls, being a very goal-oriented species, know how to locate, persuade and secure a potential mate. As such there is much that we can learn from this mysterious group. First though, we must look at how straight girls and gay boys differ in order to broaden our understanding.
Straight girls feel the pressure of time in their late 20s. Women are well aware of aging and for those who want to have children, there comes a time in their 20s when they realize that their body clocks are ticking. Gay men on the other hand have no such pressure and therefore feel that time is limitless. Straight girls are looking for men who can be daddies to their children.
Gay boys act like children who are looking for sugar daddies. Straight girls look for a partner that will be a suitable father to their children. They wonder if their man will be able to provide for his family in the future. Does he share the same values? Is he patient? Is he loving? Gay boys on the other hand are looking for guys who can provide for them in the moment.
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Does he turn me on? Is he hot? Is he good in bed? Personally, I would like to have children and hope to find a man that not only satisfies my needs now but who will also be a loving father in the future. Straight girls look for men with big ambition. Gay boys look for men with big…. Many gay boys place too much importance on physical attraction, dating men with big biceps, big chests and big egos. After a while though the attraction wanes and the relationship fails.
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Then they repeat the cycle, finding a man of similar ilk and wonder why that relationship disappoints too. Long-term relationships are built on shared values, friendship, mutual understanding, love and patience and straight girls understand this. Straight girls look beyond the purely physical and are attracted to men with ambition, goals, intelligence, humor and other qualities that exceed the peripheral.
Straight girls look to build a home with their partner. Gay boys look for partners at clubs that play house music. Wherever you are in the world they tend to be filled with the same people 10 people you meet in gay clubs , play the same music and leave you with the same feelings at the end of the night.