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Now you explore his body. Be honest and vocal about what you like and don't like. Too many guys want to race down the Autobahn of foreplay. Get in the slow lane and let your body and senses warm up. You're not riding solo here, take your time and let your senses go crazy on a long road trip to the end. Set the scene to where there is nothing but you, him and all of the time you need. Sex is oftentimes awkward and sometimes funny as you gain complete confidence in yourself and your partner.
Go with the flow. Try not to get anxious.
Ask as many questions as you want before you meet
There is no one right way to do it. And it's too early to get bogged down in labels Am I a top or bottom? You don't even have to go "all the way" if you don't want. Just be you and let your body show you where to go. Be sure to wrap it up and know your limits. I still hear some people talk of HIV as if it's just a long-term illness. Well, it's not; it's an incurable virus that causes complications that can lead to more serious complications including death and exorbitant medical bills. Don't believe the hype; believe the facts and protect yourself. Happy exploring, my friend. Many of us wait until we have safe space and medical resources to start having sex.
Many of us wait until we leave our parents and have our own places to live — which affords us the privacy and freedom to start experimenting. Many of us wait until we find a community of others like us — potential sex partners included. The mechanics of sex may feel uncomfortable and painful.
It might not happen the first time.
Don’t send any pics you're uncomfortable with
Foreplay is awesome. Making out, hand jobs, sucking, and even gentle kissing and massaging are a great way to start.
Some people come out of the gate thinking they know exactly what they want sexually, but most of us are unsure. No one knows what they want in the beginning. You will be thrown a lot of terminology, especially if you look for sex with men on hookup apps like Grindr. Words like top, bottom, versatile, bare, raw, party, safe, poz, neg, cum, daddy, dom, sub, boy, otter, bear, pig. The list goes on and on. You can and should experience both! You make these mistakes now, learn from them, and are better prepared going forward.
Keep trying. The safest sex partners are the ones getting regular testing for HIV and other STIs — a minimum of every three to six months — and who are protecting themselves with condoms and PrEP more on those later. When someone asks, you can tell them that: That question is designed to shame and manipulate you. Anal penetration might hurt the first time you try it. Your ass has to expand to accomodate a penis, and this stretching can hurt. Going slow and gentle, using plenty of lube, communicating, and taking frequent breaks is how you get better at it. Read my guide on bottoming health and safety tips here.
If you want to research different methods of cleaning men who have sex with men do, go for it. Many guys douche before sex, but douching is not a requirement to have a good experience. You can use water to clean your butt specifically, the lower part of your rectum, the space just inside your hole with a drugstore enema or handheld bulb. If you buy a drugstore enema, many of them are filled with laxatives, which you should empty out and replace with water before you use them.
Going too fast or too rough can be painful I recommend a thick, silicone-based lube for the insertion tip. Also, make sure you try to release all the water into the toilet — leftover water stuck in your butt can cause discomfort later on.
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When your butt is filled with water, wait a few seconds, then release it into the toilet. Repeat as necessary until the water is clear. Be gentle, and go slow! Again, not every guy douches before sex. A healthy, fiber-rich diet lots of veggies, less meat eliminates the need to douche for some. Whether or not it ruins the sex mood is up to you. Douching should be minimal. A fiber-rich diet, or a daily fiber supplement like Metamucil, will minimize how much time you spend in the shower or on a toilet.
All sexually active people do. Having any sex puts you at risk for HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and other sexually transmitted infections, or STIs. Thankfully there are many ways you can protect yourself. The only drug approved for PrEP is Truvada, but more are on the way. PrEP requires good health insurance and an understanding doctor who is aware of your health needs. Even after you go to college or move away from your parents, you may still be on their insurance, which means that they still see bills from the insurance company.
Before seeing a doctor, always check and sign your patient confidentiality form. Other, less severe STIs, like oral and genital herpes and HPV, are so common that most sexually active people are at high risk of catching them. In most cases, their symptoms are mild or nonexistent. The best thing you can do to protect yourself is have a doctor who you trust, who performs regular checkups.
If you have any symptoms, or experience anything on your body that may or may not be related to an STI, always tell your doctor about them. For people with no sexual history, Gardasil vaccinates you against strains of HPV most commonly associated with certain types of cancer. For those with sexual history, the Gardasil vaccine is still recommended, since it may still be able to fight future strains of cancer-related HPV. Most sexually active adults get an STI at some point. You probably will. The wonderful benefits of sex far outweigh the risk of STIs.
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A common STI like chlamydia might require you to stop having sex for a week or two while the medicine clears it up. But a lifetime without sex means a lifetime without the awesome, beautiful, wonderful, sexy people you get to share your world and your bed with — people who will make you feel strong and beautiful and powerful. I promise. In most of my early years, I felt frustrated, inhibited, and unsure of what I was doing.