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It was the first time someone had given voice to an insecurity I held but had never felt comfortable communicating. My first relationship was with a Western girl when I was growing up in Perth, and I never felt like my race was a factor in how it started or ended.

I was generally drawn to Western girls because I felt we shared the same values. At the time, I rarely felt that assumptions were made about me based on my ethnicity, but things changed when I moved to Melbourne for university. In a new city, stripped of the context of my hometown, I felt judged for the first time, like I was subtly but surely boxed into an "Asian" category. So, I consciously tried to be a boy from WA, to avoid being mistaken for an international student. Since then, my experience as a person of colour in Australia has been defined the question: It's a never-ending internal dialogue that adds complexity and confusion to aspects of life that are already turbulent — and dating is where it hit me the hardest.

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I'm in a relationship now, and my partner is white. Talking to her about the anxieties I experienced around dating, it's easy to feel like my concerns were caused by internalised racism and problematic stereotypes that I projected onto the world around me. So, I decided to start a long overdue conversation with other Asian men, to find out if I was alone in my anxieties. Chris Quyen, a university student, photographer and creative director from Sydney, says his early interest in dating was influenced by a desire to fit in.

For Melbourne-based hip-hop artist Jay Kim, this approach to dating is understandable, but not without its problems. Dating coach Iona Yeung says Asian men are represented largely through "nerdy stereotypes" in the media, with few positive role models to draw confidence from when it comes to dating. Chris agrees, saying the media plays an "important role in informing who we are attracted to".

When it comes to Asian men, they're often depicted as "the bread shop boy or the computer genius who helps the white male protagonist get the girl," he says, if they're represented at all. An interaction with a female partner who called him "exotic" similarly affected his sense of self. Having these conversations has helped me realise that although my anxieties around dating come from my experience with sex and relationships — they're also connected to how I value my culture.

It's fitting that some of the people I spoke to have embraced their backgrounds as they negotiate the challenges that come with dating as Asian Australian men.

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