Signout Register Sign in. Sexuality home Agenda Fast lane Mardi Gras. Previous Next Show Grid. Previous Next Hide Grid. By Ben Winsor. Jim had a secret from his wife. The pair had dated in high school, gone to university together, and married at To friends and family, they were a perfect American family. But Jim had a secret. Similar groups meet around the world, including in Australia. For those who are still in the closet, it can be painful, terrifying, and exhausting. Why do bisexuals remain in the closet much longer than their gay and lesbian peers?
Louis Hanson relays the struggle that come with being in a relationship where only one of you is visibly, publicly queer. In Social. Trending Topics "Where are you really from? People are extremely here for Amy Poehler's directorial debut, 'Wine Country'. What makes a person fake their own voice?
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In some of the subcultures Ward studied, straight MSM were able to reinterpret homosexual identity as actually strengthening their heterosexual identities. One way they did so was by seeking out partners who were similar to them.
Gay, middle-aged, and lonely as hell
In other words: As Juzwiak put it: But still: Whatever else is going on here, clearly these men are getting some companionship out of these relationships. But there are sturdy incentives in place for them to not take that step of identifying, or identifying fully, as gay or bi. Yes, if you can buy nice stuff, take trips or enjoy having adventures, you can do a lot to salve over any negative feelings you might be having.
I can see both sides of that because ten years ago I was better off financially than I am now. Relative to some of the advice given, if you can afford a therapist or have a friend who cares to listen, yeah, that probably helps. It was all of the BS of a gay bar, but just adapted to motorcycles. I totally hear where you are coming from.
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I am 56 and facing same challenges as single gay male. Thanks Loren. I just saw your reply. I go to a great gay therapist periodically with whom I am completely honest, including about my wish to find a way to end my life. I do try to interact with the men I meet, but they treat me like a sort of therapist as they describe their latest sexual escapades or unburden themselves to me in texts and occasional phone calls about their personal doubts and fears.
The more sane and balanced gay men I meet are coupled and understandably want to socialize with other gay male couples. They politely decline my social invitations. I still have some sexual desires but not for the men I meet. I feel a sense of having completed the challenges of life and am grateful for those experiences. I see being able to choose to end my life as a reward for having made it this far.
Am I just afraid of facing one more new challenge, namely, learning how to face the final stages of my life alone? Thanks for providing this forum as a place where I can openly acknowledge my feelings. I think there can be times when suicide is rational, for example, when someone is facing a terminal, painful illness with no hope of recovery. Many of us would agree that a person suffering like that might justifiably begin to think of suicide as a way to end that awful pain.
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But loneliness and depression are not like chronic illnesses for which there is nothing that can be done. This is why, in these situations, suicide may LOOK rational but it is not rational because both conditions need not be permanent and, therefore, as hopeless as they appear. These conditions only APPEAR that they will go on forever, but if one can hold on and make some changes, the pain can subside.
The three things one must do are: Become identified with a larger group — social, religious, political, Alcoholics Anonymous or anything that gives your life meaning. Become a part of a smaller group with frequent, unplanned interactions — For older gay men, Prime Timers Worldwide, for example, often provides those opportunities, but there are many others as well. Find a chum, someone with whom you can bare your soul and share your secrets. In some cases, it may mean a therapist, at least for a while. None of those things will help. But somewhere out there is another human being who is looking for you, too.
I think that suicide can be rational. If anyone cared about me or needed me in any way I might feel differently. So pleased to hear. What all of us struggle with when we consider coming out are the stereotypes. We grow up surrounded by them and internalize them. Then we compare who we are to that standard, which results in a lot of guilt and shame. Safe travels. I found that as I got older that my greatest happiness came from within-I absolutely positively let nothing or no-one bother me. This is a big part of the problem in gay society. We cannot even have a conversation about older gays without the misrepresenting them with young gay guys.
- The challenges of coming out when you're middle-aged!
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- The adult life course and homosexual identity in midlife gay men..
Salber has asked me to respond to both of you and I will do so. Both comments are very important and I want to answer them with a thoughtful response and that will take a bit longer than I have today. But the bottom line for both of you is that there is hope.
Depression is treatable. The two most important things to find joy in later life are 1. Finding a sense of something that is meaningful to do, 2. Connecting with people who accept you. Chapter 11 is all about aging and how to get through it. Neither of you are at all unique in what you have experienced. I had lost my mother, step-father, and a brother within six months, and some friends had died.
I needed a knee and a shoulder replacement. My career had plateaued and I thought it was on the decline. I had some difficulty with erectile dysfunction.
All I could see for the future was a series of continued losses. One of my favorite sayings sometimes attributed to Buddha is: Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. I began to re-focus my thinking on age as an adventure with opportunities I had never had and may not have again. I wrote about it in this essay in Psychology Today.
The challenges of coming out when you're middle-aged | SBS Your Language
Sometimes we think of coming out as an event, but it is a process. Being honest about our sexual orientation is liberating for us personally but it can damage relationships that are important. They lived in an era when gay men and women were sent to prison and considered deviant and predatory. Coming out to them may have unintended consequences for them and for you. I appreciate your wish to be honest with them; they may even already suspect it. But once it is out in the open, it demands a response, and you have no control over what that response might be.