We feel like we have to hide a part of ourselves everyday for many formative years, which means we are neglecting other parts of ourselves that should be receiving precious energy.
James P., 8 months ago
So when we finally do come out, we often confuse this as dealing with our issues, when in fact, this is just the beginning to dealing with what our issues really are. Because we held back from being authentically ourselves for most of our adolescence and the beginning of our adult lives, we get a chance to do it all over when we come out. The cherry on top of all of this, is that this usually happens in a big city, or at least some place bigger than the hometown we grew up in, where excess is welcomed.
The question is, when is enough enough? Gay men are beyond picky, and we feel like we can be because with social media the pool of possibilities feels endless.
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We are men with egos, and we strive to be the best at everything we do because it was something we learned as closeted children. However, this tends to lead to us having crazy expectations for ourselves, and therefore our mates as well. Everyone is supposed to look like a model, have an Adonis body, be super successful, like everything we like, and fit the molds we've created that no one can ever actually live up to. Dreamboat is ready. His ego is hurt. Add to the fact that gays often date with the seasons, and half the year is either thought of as warm single, and often slutty season, or as a cold cuddling more relationship based time of the year.
We forget that we are still animals, and like our furry friends, our bodies change with the tides and seasons in a very natural way. However, gay men are quick to use the seasons as an excuse to why we are "allowed" to behave in certain ways. We aren't definitely going to have kids, which is why most heterosexual people start to couple up and settle down.
And even today straight couples are waiting longer and longer to have children. However, even when we do couple up, the way in which we operate as couples is quite different than straight couples. Add to the fact that a lot of our friends are single, and it becomes almost more normal to be single in the gay world than in a healthy relationship. We even joke that gay years are like dog years for relationships. And for better or worse, the second something starts to go sour, we have reminders that there are men everywhere.
Our social circles are full of these perpetual bachelors, who appear to enjoy their singledom, and constantly question why we are looking to settle down. We all have a friend or two, who claims to love being single, but through candid conversations it become apparent he isn't addressing his deeper wounds from past loves and life. These single gay friends come with their own baggage, and will often project that we too need to sow our wild oats.
Why Are So Many Gay Millennials Alone?
Getting married wasn't an option for our community until very recently, so commitment from a legal standpoint was actually far from a lot of our minds. This in some subconscious way made us less serious when it came to dating. It's easier to just keep reverting back to all the other points that making dating hard than it is to try and work on something with someone we thought we really liked. Dating is hard, being in a couple is hard, but it shouldn't be this hard, right?
We let our minds drift, we make assumptions, and half the time we aren't even communicating how we are feeling with our partners. Yes, not all of us are jealous, or at least to an unhealthy point, but going back to issues of shame and insecurity that stem from our youth, we often have a hard time trusting that we are good enough.
From this destructive flaw we then end up projecting our neuroses onto our partners, and find ourselves jealous for no reason. Even if we are lucky enough to find someone special and start dating, jealousy can creep within the relationship. Mix in a lack of communication, which as men we are more likely to be bad at, and it's a recipe for disaster. While it can feel like dating, and ultimately finding someone amazing is impossible in the gay world, we have to remain optimistic if we really do want to find someone.
Now more than ever, strong committed gay couples exist in public spheres, which means there are examples of what we can have. We need to stop perpetuating the idea that all the good ones are either taken, straight, or live far away. The language we use when talking about dating needs to be positive and upbeat, and we have to stop confusing proper courting with endless casual sex. We need to stop using every excuse in the book, and start working on ourselves because we aren't perfect either. We need to stop looking past the amazing men that are right in front of our faces, and start understanding that the sex part of a relationship will evolve.
In the end, we'll ultimately be looking for a best friend, a companion to build a full life with, and maybe one day move away from all the craziness with. If we are lucky enough to meet someone with whom our souls connect in an effortless way, we need to water that relationship because it is rare. Gay dating is really hard, but nothing worth having comes easy, so lead with love and positivity, and more than anything just be open to what could be.
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Why Are So Many Gay Millennials Alone?
Dating is difficult in general, but gay dating is even harder. Sex is easy.
There was a time when dating online was seen as a little weird, or even pathetic. Thankfully, the stigma of online dating is pretty much a thing of the past, and now plenty of people do much of their dating over the Internet. In fact, people of all genders and sexual orientations use online dating apps and websites to meet new people. Although dating online is more common these days, there are some safety issues to consider. However, you do want to be real when it comes to your personality and what you're looking for. Getting a boyfriend can seem like a daunting task as a gay teen, but it is possible.
Some steps you can take involving coming out, going for guys who are also out, or approaching someone who might like you back. By putting yourself out there, you'll have more opportunities to meet someone that you can establish a relationship with. Simply understand that this is a part of dating, and most guys won't be your boyfriend overnight. Allow a real relationship to form over time by learning more about each other through messaging and shared experiences.
How to Meet People Even If You Have No Relationship Experience
Feeling like you're the only gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender teen can feel awful. Most teens like to have a community that we can feel a part of, and gay teens are no different. However, finding other gay teens can be tough. Thankfully, whether you are hoping to meet friends, or are interested in dating someone new, it's very likely that someone else is in the same boat as you.
To get started, join some GLBT groups so you can build your community.
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You can also find friends in your area through youth websites, programs, and community centers. Whether you want to know if someone winked or blinked at you, understanding the lines between flirting and being friendly can be challenging. Sometimes there are clear signs that someone is interested in you, and other times there can be mixed or absent signals. To see if someone is into you, trust your gut. Then, look for signs like long eye contact, finding themselves wanting to get physically close to you, and remembering all the things you say.
A Personal Gay Teen Dating Experience Many gay teens think they're alone when it comes to relationships and dating, but they are far from it. As one teen writes , "I have no history with gay teen dating, romance, or relationships of any kind.