He challenges me and puts me in situations I'd never put myself in otherwise. I think part of the beauty of queer friendship is that it can kind of develop into family, and that's definitely what me and Alex feel like now. I came out as bi in early I'm married so it wasn't about finding a partner; it was about not lying any more. I met Charlie on Twitter about 18 months later.
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He's a transgender man who came out at roughly the same time as me. His journey was definitely different to mine, but we had a lot of common ground. We're both married and came out in our thirties, and we were both kind of struggling with navigating those next steps. Our emails and texts became a support group of sorts. I was trying to comprehend my new identity so every new feeling brought a sense of "Oh god, what does that mean? It's a simple thing, but just hearing "I know what you mean" was like gold dust. It still is—if one of us is having a hard time, we still exchange 1,word emails at 2 a.
We met in person a few months after meeting online, and I was surprised how immediately we were comfortable with each other. I have a fond memory of showing him a picture of me at 20 years old, when I had bleached blond hair and was living on Christopher Street in New York, literally a few doors away from the Stonewall Inn.
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Charlie just laughed and said, "Oh darling, how did anyone ever think you were straight? After three decades of not feeling like I fit in anywhere, this little moment of acknowledgement from another LGBTQ person meant a lot.
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Since then I've met other bi people at Pride events, but Charlie's still my closest "queer peer. I grew up in a small conservative town and didn't know anyone gay at school, so I met my first gay friends through social media. Dean was the first one who lived relatively close to me, so we started hanging out on the weekend. Dean came from a similar town and I think we both felt delayed in a way. Search, find and be found.
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