I befriended people totally different to me, practiced yoga, learned to surf, trekked up volcanoes and sailed down the Amazon River. It was an amazing year. I knew I was going travelling to find out something about myself.
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I would see a guy and maybe think that he was good looking, but regarded that as normal heterosexual behavior. These parties were great fun, always a mix of locals and backpackers. Many of these parties happened to be in a gay bar. One night as I was leaving a local guy followed me home. We chatted and when we got to my apartment he asked if he could come in. Without even thinking I said yes. And so, in that moment, my world changed forever. When I made it to Argentina I decided I needed to do something drastic.
I left the group I was travelling with in Buenos Aires and checked into a gay hostel I found online. I remember being terrified when I rang the buzzer. What am I doing? What would my friends think?
What would my parents think? It was quite an overtly sexual hostel - gay art on the walls, shared showers, a jacuzzi. It was really the first time I had been around gay people. I had known gay people in Dublin, but never had any gay friends. I only know one gay person from my hometown, Tullamore. I spent a week in that hostel, and made good friends. Everybody understood. They had all been there. Once again, they understood. I felt like I was one foot tall.
I had a long-term girlfriend before I went travelling. I loved her and on some level always will. When I returned from my trip I moved back in with my parents.
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I was there for five frustrating and confusing months before I left for New York. He was fantastic. I then felt ready to talk to other people. I told my sister and the rest of my friends. Everyone was very supportive.
The reaction was no reaction, which says it all really. But I still feel there is a stigma attached to being gay in Ireland. Coincidentally I moved back home, confused and vulnerable, just as the same-sex marriage referendum debate was heating up. I was hyper-sensitive to it; reading articles and the comments underneath, many of which upset me. This week I went on my first gay date in New York. I met the guy on Grindr, a gay dating mobile app. Among the sea of sexually aggressive men looking for a quick hook-up, I found someone who seemed similar to me.
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I was nervous at first but we had a great time. For a few hours I forgot about everything going on in my life and just felt happy. I love my country. Ireland's figure was a lot lower than other EU countries. The one-in-ten men who have sex with other males but who claim they are not gay or bisexual are being urged to take part in a new European survey.
The figure was a lot lower than other European countries prompting authorities to believe that the Irish statistics under represented reality. It will also greatly contribute to the knowledge of MSM sexual health needs across Europe. By Emma McMenamy.
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