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10 Things I Learned About Gay Hook-Up Culture From My Day On Grindr

However, the other part of the population is not as prominent especially on TV shows, and I blame them for fostering this stereotype , and that part is the secluded gay guy who is a ball of insecurities and anxiety that are just ready to burst. It took a lot of therapy, soul-searching and meditation for me to come to terms with who I am. I went through quite a rough and vice-filled patch.

While I was still in the self-loathing phase, I would go to a gay bar, get drunk and hook up with any random guy that caught my eye. I thought this would help me, you know, get some experience under my belt. It did the opposite. I dreaded going to the hospital, I was consumed with the possibility that the test could be positive.

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A close girlfriend of mine basically dragged me, telling me that the suspense and the unknown would absolutely kill me. So, I got it over with and it was negative. The first thing I felt was relief. The second was a desperate need to not be near a guy ever again in my life. I would go to work, sometimes see my friends, but mostly I just wanted to be alone. Being alone is different from being lonely, but alienating people is a gateway to loneliness.

Being gay and lonely: Sexual anxiety

I knew I had to get back in the game and take control of my love life, but the longer I stayed single, the more petrified of relationships and sexual encounters I got. I thought about powering through, you know, facing my fears and tackling them head on, so I installed Grindr and Tinder. After a while, I became something close to a shut-in.

Then something miraculous happened. My friend forced me to go out, just for drinks, no big thing, and she introduced me to David.

He was funny, interesting and just easy to talk to. We ended up walking around together and he walked me home. At the end of the night, he kissed me and I felt exhilarated and scared. We started seeing more of each other, casually.