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Get yourself relaxed with lots of foreplay like rimming or fingering. Some men do use amyl nitrate poppers to relax the muscles around their arse but there are two major health warnings. Any position where your knees are bent and drawn into your chest, whether you are kneeling, lying on your back or on your side, will probably lead to more comfortable sex, or will be a good position to start from. Use water- or silicone-based lubricants if you're using latex condoms.
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Avoid any lube with nonoxynol It irritates the lining of the arse, may make sex more painful and also increases your risk of HIV. Look after your arse. You can't get a new one. So know your limits. With time you may be able to take larger objects but there's always a maximum size: Take your time and listen to your partner. This is as much about the emotional as the physical side.
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Find out what he likes. Ask him how he likes it. Listen to his reactions too. The first time you top, you may be a little anxious. This may make your erection less hard than usual. Relax — you're both there to enjoy yourselves.
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If you have erection problems, concentrate on something else like kissing for a while. If getting or staying hard is a regular problem, see our section on ED on page 6.
Our advice above on lubes and position apply as much to tops as to bottoms. Lube is essential when topping.
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Anal mucus can carry high concentrations of HIV, and the membrane just inside the tip of your cock and the foreskin can absorb that directly into the bloodstream if you fuck a guy's arse without a condom. You know the solution. Rubber up. Substances like steroids can also cause the prostate to enlarge. Don't put sex before safety. Trust your instinct about where and what isn't safe.
Carry condoms and lube. If bottoming, you might want to put the condom on the top yourself. Most men experience some symptoms around two to six weeks after infection such as a sore throat, fever, body aches or rash. These symptoms are common to other illnesses and many people do not realise they could be a sign of HIV infection. There is no cure but, if you are diagnosed with HIV and treated, you should have a normal life expectancy.
HIV lives in the blood and in some body fluids.
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The more HIV someone has in their bodily fluids, the more infectious they are, and the more likely they are to have serious health problems. Men who have sex with men should get tested roughly every six months for HIV. You can get tested at any sexual health clinic. A lot of places do one-hour testing or even quicker. It just involves a finger prick, so no worries about needles.
You can also get home testing kits by post. They will be able to prescribe you with a day course of anti-HIV medication called post-exposure prophylaxis PEP , which may prevent you from becoming infected with HIV. Like HIV, the only signs of hepatitis — a blood-borne liver disease — may be a short flu-like illness. There are three sexually-transmitted forms of hepatitis hep: